Thinking Of You
by on sleepless roads
Summary: JH songfic. My first for That '70s Show.


_**AN: So this is my first T7S fic and of course it's JH, not happy JH, though. But, if you guys like this one, I'd probably write something happy as my next fic. **__****_

_**The song is "Thinking Of You" by Katy Perry.**_

_**I own nothing.**_

_Comparisons are easily done  
Once you've had a taste of perfection  
Like an apple hanging from a tree  
I picked the ripest one  
I still got the seed_

_Steven would never have done that._ I thought to myself, bitterly. Thoughts like these seem to cross my mind a lot more often lately. When Josh would open doors for me, I'd think _Yeah, Steven used to that too._ When he would call me sweet nicknames that even _I_ found too sickening, I would think _Ugh, Steven would never call me that. _Just last night we were in bed together and Josh wrapped his arms around my waist but I almost didn't feel it.,_ Steven always held me like he'd never let me go._ Pathetic, isn't it? Because he did let me go. After 2 years of fighting for what I thought we had, he let me go for some stripper who had a 1.5 brain cell advantage over Michael. So, of course, I had to show the whole damn world that I moved on too. After all, who would expect Jackie Burkhart, with all my beauty and charm, to be hung up on a scruffy burnout who was married to some whore? So I dated Fez for a while. That didn't work out because I can't possibly share the same appreciation for Michael's (or any guy's, for that matter) beauty with my boyfriend. We broke up and that was when I met him, my supposed soul mate, Joshua Richards. He was rich, heir to some big electronics company. He was handsome, for sure, with blonde hair and blue eyes. _Not like Steven's, though_. There I go again!

_You said move on  
Where do I go  
I guess second best  
Is all I will know_

I would never forget the last real conversation me and Steven had even if I hibernated for months like some animal. There were too many emotions shown, mostly on my side, of course. Steven had his Zen to hide in, his sunglasses to protect him. Sometimes I wish I owned my own pair of sunglasses like his, just to hide my own feelings from him and the rest of the world. It would be purple, of course, because that color seems like it was made especially for me. And I'd have my initials on it too. But I don't think sunglasses, no matter how pretty they were, would have changed anything from our last talk. I would have just taken it off and threw it him because of all the anger and hurt and frustration I felt that night.

"_Jackie, what are you doing here?" was the greeting I got when I entered the basement that night. I haven't been there for a while and I kinda hoped when I did go there, Steven would be somewhere else. But, with all my luck, he was the only one there when I finally decided to come._

"_What, I can't hang out here anymore 'cause I'm not dating anyone from you?" I snapped at him._

"_No one's here for you to hang out with. Go home." He turned back to the TV. I can't help but think back to all the times when we were still dating that we would have the most fun when it was just the two of us in this basement. Now, we couldn't even stand to be near each other._

"_Steven, what happened to us?" I blurted out, without thinking. Stupid Jackie!_

"_What the hell are you talking about?" _

"_We weren't always like this. We used to actually like each other's company." I told him._

"_That was when you didn't use your mouth for talking." He said, coldly, not even looking at me._

"_So, is that what those two years were for you? Just for the making out and sex? I loved you! Maybe I still do! And you just cared about sex?" I asked, not even trying to hide the hurt in my voice._

"_Would you stop with all that crap? We've been over for almost a year now. Why don't you just…" he trailed off._

"_Why don't I just what, Steven?" I challenged._

"_Move on, Jackie." Never have I been hurt with such impact by anything as that sentence. Not even his stupid haiku about my death. _

I remember crying myself to sleep that night and several nights after that. We hadn't talked much since. He burned me every chance he got, of course, but that night was never brought up again.

_Cause when I'm with him  
I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you  
What you would do if  
You were the one  
Who was spending the night  
Oh I wish that I  
Was looking into your eyes_

Josh took me out to dinner. We are having a nice, expensive meal and all I can think about is all the cheeseburgers Steven bought for me. I think I actually gained when we were dating. All the more reason to hate him. But I could never hate him, not really. He was the first real thing in my life, the only real thing.

But that was gone now, he was gone now.

"Jackie? Are you listening?"

"I'm sorry, what?" I was zoning out again. I gotta stop doing that.

"I said Father is thinking about handing me the family business after I graduate college. Isn't that great? We would be the richest couple…" I stopped listening then. I remembered all the fantasies about me and Steven being rich together and living in mansions and smoking high-class cigars, dreams that would never happen now.

"Yeah, that would be awesome." I told him once I noticed he stopped talking. I gotta say, sometimes he talks more than me and that's saying something. It's not that materials things and money don't interest me anymore. I am, still, Jackie Burkhart. But suddenly all those pink cars, and huge rooms I managed to hear from him just didn't seem to do it for me. They were tempting, of course, but if I could have all that but not the one person I wanted the most to share it with, what good was it?

Josh stayed at my apartment for the night. He always did after our dates. I turned over the bed we shared and looked at his sleeping form. A tear fell from eyes as I tried to imagine Steven beside me, sleeping peacefully. I always used to look at him when he slept. He just looked so peaceful and innocent that I just couldn't take my eyes away from the sight. But, looking at Josh now, I found myself turning around, not finding it my heart to look at him any longer.

_He kissed my lips  
I taste your mouth  
He pulled me in  
I was disgusted with myself_

Josh and I did it after 6 months of dating. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for a long time after that. It was just after he said he loved me that I gave in. I thought that if I did, I might find it easier to feel the same way. Boy was I wrong. I felt so ashamed of myself after I promised I wouldn't do it with someone I wasn't in love with. Anger fills my heart every time I think about that night. I was angry at myself for letting Josh have that part of me that I never wanted to give him. Funny how the complete opposite of anger overwhelms my heart whenever I think about me and Steven's first night.

"_You sure, Jacks?" he asked, genuinely concerned about my choice._

"_Yes, Steven." _

My first night with Josh could never, in a million gazillion years, compare to that night.

_Oh won't you walk through  
And bust in the door  
And take me away  
Oh no more mistakes  
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay..._

I am miserable. There, I said it. Josh may be perfect in every way but I wasn't in love with him. I would never be even if he did promise me a pony. I broke up with him with not one tear sliding from cheeks. I'm a cold bitch and I know it. But I didn't get this way with no help. Steven made me this way but I still didn't hate him. Not even close.

There was a party at the Forman's a week after Josh and I broke up. Everyone was there, even Josh. Everyone I knew was celebrating New Years with the Formans. The countdown just started. Welcome 1981! Damn you, 1980. I searched the room and saw Josh, but those weren't the blue eyes I was looking for. I finally saw him and he was looking at me too. He wasn't wearing his stupid sunglasses and I can see more than I was allowed to for the past year. I saw a mirror of what I felt inside. But, I knew we could never get those out to each other. Too much damage had been done. But I continued to look into his eyes, trying to tell him what my heart had no more strength to do so anymore.

_**AN2: There. What do you guys think? Please review! I'd really like to know if you liked it or not. I'm not very satisfied with my ending since I usually go for fics where Hyde's the one pining over Jackie and suffering but this song just really got me into writing about Jackie's heartbreak. But, again if you guys like this, I'd probably write another happy one with Hyde pining over Jackie and actually fighting for her. Haha.**_

_**So please, please tell me what you think. **__****___


End file.
